I want to go back to school and like never come back home again...

The status is self explanatory, though of course I would want to come back home because of my bro, but I am debating whether to return for Thanksgiving and Spring Break now.

Yes I'm in one of those emo moods that I haven't been since high school. Why? Because I'm back home again. Maybe I just can't handle my mom anymore. Maybe I can't handle her words anymore because I've been getting used to college life. Or rather, a life without anyone telilng me everything I'm doing is wrong, a life without every problem in the house blamed on me... well I guess since I'd be the only one in "the house", every problem would be blamed on me... but it's less anyways. If it was a huge mistake I made, and got yelled at, sure it's reasonable, but if I'm getting blamed for every little thing that's happening around the house... I don't know...

She yelled at me from home to work this morning for forgetting to turn off the light in the car. I didn't even turn on the light... she probably turned it on and forgot to turn it off, but of course, I have to maintain my emotionless state and just listen. Except this time... she got pissed off at my being emotionless and not talking back and started yelling about that. I really don't know what I can do or what I can say. Now, I can't even plead the 5th >_<.

I've currently reached the max I can handle right now and therefore is in an emo state. Hopefully, this emo state will go away soon, and won't happen again in a while because the themometer's been reset again. Maybe dramas and games will help. Though the problem with that... she was saying how just because I had gotten my computer back last night, I stopped playing piano. But I haven't played piano for a week and I'm not even wasting her money taking classes, so I don't see why she's pissed off.

I have realized... if I hadn't kept this emotionless state throughout high school, I probably would have committed suicide already. Maybe that's why I'm so messed up as a person. Am I even qualified to be a person? I fit the descriptions of a robot better. I'll probably stay emotionless until I'm out of the house. People have wondered why I'm like this and they try to "fix me" but I'm probably better off/safer staying emotionless. Stop trying until I get my own job/apartment... and maybe even my own life.

I have too many psychological problems. I probably should get a psychiatrist. Except they don't do much, we don't have money, and I or rather, my mom, wouldn't have time to bring me to one either, so in the end, I'm not going to get one. Maybe I just need company. Maybe I'm just lonely and want attention. I want my dad to come back and stay back. I want these two years my dad has left of residency/fellow to pass really quickly. Of course, since I will be waiting for the end of my junior year of college, it's going to come really slowly. Things are always like that. You never seem to get what you want, but rather the opposite. Why does life suck so much. I want to finish college, get into med school, finish med school, get into residency, become a good doctor, and have my own family.

Okay that last paragraph of Lan being extremely idealistic and just reading it voer again... half of those things probably aren't going to happen. Why? Because I'm lazy and don't like to study, so I probably won't get into med school. Argh. I can't seem to do anything right.

I need to go push a button and coverslip some slides. Maybe I'll post some more selfish complaints later.

Oh and my right ankle is still in pain =.=;... Because I'm stupid and went to play soccer with my bro [a month later after I hurt it >_<] and kinda hurt it again.